Tag: legacy

Making a $ Difference

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Putting Your Money Where You Mouth Is… Today and Tomorrow!

This article was submitted for publication in a future PMEA News – the official state journal of the Pennsylvania Music Educators Association. It is mostly targeting school music educators in the Commonwealth – current and retired – but may be appropriate for all advocates who are willing to “roll up their sleeves” to help the profession and associations who support music education.

This article succeeds PMEA Pride… posted on July 1, 2026.

NOW: Opportunities to Support the Mission of PMEA and School Music Programs

The moniker and stated focus of the PMEA Council for Teacher Training, Recruitment, and Retention –  “the life cycle of a music educator” – nurtures present and future TTRR stakeholders and supports a broad timeline of numerous transitions, beginning with the Future Maestros Gold Star Awards Program (grades 3-6), then progressing to the TRI-M Music Honor Society (grades 6-12), Future Music Educators Honors Symposium (high school seniors accepted at a college or university to major in music education), PA Collegiate Music Educators Association and pre-service training, rookie to veteran years of professional development and participation in PMEA festivals, conferences, workshops, advocacy initiatives, and research programs, and finally self-reinvention and “keeping our hands in it” involvement during retirement.

With the goal of “promoting the musical development of all Pennsylvanians,” TEAM PMEA embraces hands-on volunteerism and the value of our collective aspirations to foster the highest standards of collaboration in music education. Throughout our years, our organization offers many meaningful opportunities of giving, becoming eleemosynary (I love this word – look it up!) throughout its members’ upward career trajectory.

I have heard from a former foundation director and school board member that there are two categories of  “volunteers” who make major contributions to the vision and everyday fabric of community outreach groups:

  • “Busy Bees” or “Worker Bees” (Time & Labor): Active, hands-on volunteers who give their time and physical effort to complete tasks.
  • “Money Bees” (Funding & Resources): Donors, sponsors, or fundraisers who support the cause financially rather than with manual labor.

Which one of these roles do you model for PMEA? Both? Obviously, there are countless opportunities for you to serve our PMEA governance, programs, and music education throughout the Commonwealth. I know most of you are already “hands-on” as “busy bees,” fulfilling these essential jobs (just to name a quick dozen):

  • Adjudicators and Auditioners (Festivals, Performances, Scholarships, etc.)
  • Advocates and Booster Representatives
  • Authors (PMEA News) and Arrangers/Composers
  • Committee/Council Members
  • Conference/Workshop Speakers
  • Conference Planners/Screeners and Session Presiders
  • Cooperating/Supervising Teachers
  • Curriculum Writers
  • Festival Hosts
  • Guest Conductors
  • Mentors
  • PMEA Elected Officers

However, for many retired and active members alike, the “money bee” option is also readily available. Depending on your stage in life (and financial resources), you may consider donating a little (or a lot) to these worthwhile PMEA projects:

  • Irene R. Christman Scholarship, named after our late PMEA Executive Director who served from 1955 to 1996, is a $1000 award presented to an outstanding PMEA All-State Ensemble participant who will be attending college to major in music education.
  • Margaret S. Bauer Grant, in honor of our PMEA Executive Director Emerita, is a program for qualifying PMEA members to help fund professional development, resources, equipment, or creative projects which will enhance music instruction, student learning and forward the mission of PMEA.
  • All-State Program Patrons, listed in the printed PMEA All-State Concert Program, are donations that keep costs down for students participating in PMEA’s All-State Festivals.
  • Send a Collegiate to the Conference is available to sponsor needy college students to register for their participation in the PMEA Annual Conference.

It is now easier than ever to direct your charitable wishes. Make your selection on the PMEA website: https://www.pmea.net/give/.

PMEA is classified by the Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) non-profit, tax-exempt organization.

LATER: The Legacy of Individual Giving

The legacy of individual giving — often called planned or legacy philanthropy — is the practice of making significant charitable contributions through an estate plan or will to support nonprofits beyond a donor’s lifetime. It anchors community institutions, shapes cultural futures, and transforms personal values into enduring generational impact.

Legacy giving provides profound personal fulfillment, expands life meaning, and offers powerful tax advantages  — such as reduced estate taxes and avoided capital gains.

Legacy giving is not reserved exclusively for the super-wealthy. It functions through flexible financial instruments accessible at many economic levels. Key concepts and vehicles:

  • Bequests: Designating a specific dollar amount, a percentage of an estate, or remaining assets to a charity via a will.
  • Retirement Funds: Naming a nonprofit as the beneficiary of an IRA or 401(k) to bypass heavy income and estate taxes.
  • Life Insurance: Assigning a portion or all of a policy’s benefit to an organization.
  • Charitable Gift Annuities: Providing upfront capital to a nonprofit in exchange for fixed annual income payments during the donor’s life.

One of the most satisfying moments for my wife and I as retired educators was the establishment of a Donor-Advised Fund as well as funneling “required minimum distributions” from our IRAs to support recognition awards for PA music education majors as well as STEM majors participating in their collegiate music ensembles. As a memorial tribute to our parents who were educators, engineers, and musicians, we set-up a reliable and perpetual funding source to reimburse stellar college students with their educational expenses. For more information about the two separate Stark-Fox Family Fund Awards (PMEA Council for TTRR and PMEA Music-for-Lifelong-Learning Scholarships), visit https://www.pmea.net/scholarships-and-awards/. Past recipients are archived at https://www.pmea.net/scholarships-and-awards/stark-fox-funded-pmea-scholarships/.

No matter the amount, strategy, or pipeline, your “donations to the cause” will make a difference! Thank you in advance for serving as “busy bees” and whenever possible, “money bees,” to assist PMEA and build on and sustain quality music education programs throughout our state.

Credits and Additional Resources

PKF

© 2026 Paul K. Fox

Living Your Legacy

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Teacher Retirees: Not to be morose, but have you undergone a little soul-searching and introspection into how you want to leave your mark on this world? Since you’ve departed from your full-time career, do you feel your past/current goals and pursuits will make a difference?

How will you be remembered once you’re gone?

If someone else was to “put me on the spot” and ask me this, my quick rejoinder would be, “Music and education are my life!”

How about you?

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Let’s start with a review of the broad definition from Merriam-Webster:

legacy

noun: 1. a gift by will especially of money or other personal property, 2. something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past

adjective: of, relating to, associated with, or carried over from an earlier time, technology, business, etc.

synonyms: bequest, birthright, heritage, inheritance, patrimony

Legacy is [how] most people… want to be remembered, loved, and revered.

A legacy is not something that we have complete control over. After all, we cannot control how other people perceive us, we can only control our own actions.

So how can we leave the world with a legacy of our choosing?

What we must do is inspire through our own actions. If you go back through time and analyze the most influential legacies, you’ll see that they all inspired action through their own action. They didn’t just think about doing things, or tell others to do them; they went out and got things done on their own!

These legacies began while they were still alive, except I’m sure they weren’t thinking about them in those terms. Their ACCOMPLISHED GOALS became their legacy, which lives on today.

— Amy Clover in Strong Inside Out

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It may boil down to two thought-provoking inquiries posed in “What Will Be Your Legacy?” What do you want to leave for the world that will affect it when you are gone? AND How do you want to change the future?

Thanks to blogger Marelisa Fabrega, here’s more food for thought and self-examination:

  1. What do you want your life to stand for?
  2. How do you want to be remembered by your family and friends?
  3. What will those beyond your circle of family friends remember you for?
  4. What kind of impact do you want to have on your community?
  5. How will the world be a better place because you were in it?
  6. What contributions do you want to make to your field?
  7. Whose lives will you have touched?
  8. What lessons would you like to pass on to future generations?
  9. What do you want to leave behind?
  10. How can you serve?

 

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In her article “How to Leave a Lasting Legacy,” Fabrega also shares several activities for the creation of a personal legacy, everything from the Stephen Covey exercise on writing your own obituary or designing the words you want etched on your tombstone to adding your own “meaning of life” verse to the Walt Whitman poem Oh Me Oh Life as English teacher John Keating (played by Robin Williams) taught in the film Dead Poets Society.

Your legacy is putting your stamp on the future. It’s a way to make some meaning of your existence: “Yes, world of the future, I was here. Here’s my contribution, here’s why I hope my life mattered.”

— Bart Astor in Forbes

 

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Getting Your Affairs in Order

A legacy is more than a large donation to your favorite church, foundation, or charity. Of course, this process should begin with self-reflection, advance planning, hiring an attorney, and making your financial intentions and final instructions clear in writing.

Do you have a legal will, ethical will, living trust, Power of Attorney, and advance directive? Have you updated your important documents to take care of the needs of your family? Have you notified your spouse, adult children, and other relatives where they can find these legal papers, passwords, and other digital files? If not, please review my blog “Estate Planning.”

But, legacy is so much more, including strategies for passing on your values and goals after you are no longer here!

Ethical Wills.png13 years ago, I first learned about an ancient tradition for passing on personal values, beliefs, blessings, and advice to future generations called an “ethical will.” At a subconscious level, I must remember the custom, because when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1990, I asked him to write a letter about the things that he valued. About a month before he died, my dad gave me two hand-written pages in which he spoke about the importance of being honest, getting a good education, helping people in need, and always remaining loyal to family. That letter – his ethical will – meant more to me than any material possession he could have bequeathed.

— Barry K. Baines in Ethical Wills

As we have also noted in a previous blog-post, you should reflect on what you would say to those nearest and dearest to you if you couldn’t (or didn’t) tell them in person. Consider writing individual letters to your partner, children, or other family members “as a way of leaving a few last words.” Check out Frish Brandt’s “Last[ing] Letters.”

 

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Your Contributions “In Memoriam”

The idea of leaving a legacy is the need or the desire to be remembered for what you have contributed to the world. In some cases, that contribution can be so special that the universe is unalterably changed. However, for most of us mere mortals walking this earth, we will leave a more modest legacy that doesn’t necessarily change the world but does leave a lasting footprint that will be remembered by those whose lives you touched.

You hope your life matters in some way. I know I do. I’ve been teaching since the age of 22 and teaching is my legacy, my contribution that hopefully enlightened the lives of my students whether they became actors, scientists, doctors, mothers or yogis. My teaching is a gift that keeps on giving because it leads me to other learning and knowing experiences that I share with others.

— Joan Moran in HUFFPOST

(I bolded “teaching is my legacy” in the above quote because I hope that will be considered as my own preeminent legacy.)

To borrow from the inspiration and expertise of others, I found this insightful and stimulating self-help article offering “Five Ways to Leave a Great Legacy” by Joan Moran.

Moran describes in detail these tips:

  1. ornament-1899065_1920_2_xsonicchaosSupport the people and causes that are important to you.
  2. Reflect and decide what is most important to you in your life.
  3. Share your blessings with others.
  4. Be a mentor to others.
  5. Pursue your passions because they are infectious.

She sums it up succinctly: “Leaving a legacy is an important part of your life’s work. A legacy develops from a life dedicated to self-reflection and purpose. What will be revealed and what will endure is a truthful and value driven body of living.”

The straightforward way to live a life of significance is simply to share your three t’s: time, talent, and treasure. Our lives are meant to give away – to significant causes, to loving families, to friends in need, to lasting relationships. Find a way that your gifts can serve others. Your time, energy, and money are precious resources – they are limited, and you are the sole owner. If you spend them in one area you can’t spend them in another. When we say “yes” to one thing, by default we saying “no” to something else. The key to winning is to say “yes” to the significant things in your life.

— Lee Colan in Inc.

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Giving Back… Getting Personal

eleemosynary

adjective: of, relating to, or supported by charity

synonyms: altruistic, beneficent, benevolent, charitable, do-good, good, humanitarian, philanthropic

Fancy SAT vocabulary term! No, we do not need a visit from Charles Dickens’ three ghosts to learn altruism! Everyone should want to be remembered as eleemosynary or generous souls! Especially during my retirement years (2013 to the present), I want to model volunteerism:

  • Fox_Paul_SHJODirecting the South Hills Junior Orchestra (non-salaried sharing of my teaching)
  • Serving as a volunteer escort for the St. Clair Memorial Hospital (three days/week)
  • Promoting communications and marketing strategies of the Community Foundation of Upper St. Clair
  • Supporting the Pennsylvania Music Educators Association in various projects including teacher training, recruitment, retention, and retirement prep.
  • Writing articles and presenting workshops/webinars that help other teachers

These wishes will need to be updated from time to time, just like revising mission/vision statements, goals and objectives.

In addition, future monetary bequeaths from “what’s left” of our remaining assets will serve as “random acts of kindness from the grave” in support our current values, funding hereafter projects and pursuits (subscribing Moran’s tips #1-3 above) that matter to us.

How to Make an Educator Smile

My wife and I never had kids, so admittedly we live vicariously when we “bump into” our former students and revel in their major life-passages and accomplishments. It warms a retired music teacher’s heart to “catch-up” with a combined 53+-year history of past pupils from our music classes, choirs, bands, orchestras, and musical/play productions, and learn that they are happy, healthy, prosperous, and thriving. It gives us a special thrill to hear they are still “making music” and/or passing on their love of the arts to their own kids. That is indeed part of every teacher’s wish for a lasting legacy.

During our retirement, we continue to attend many concerts, recitals, weddings, receptions, Eagle Scout ceremonies, etc. of our former “charges.” We feel blessed to be invited to participate in these special occasions to share in their joy, love, and success.

In some small way, we fervently hope our efforts to bring creative self-expression and the appreciation of the arts have made a difference to our students’ lives and their development into caring, responsible, and “artistic” adults.

In Conclusion: The Fox Vision and Values — “These Things I Believe”

  1. Equal-access to high quality and meaningful music education programs is an essential part to the intellectual, emotional, and artistic development of all children.
  2. The primary goal of an education in the arts is to nurture creative self-expression.
  3. Regardless of talent or privilege, every individual on earth can find inspiration and success in some form of music or the arts.
  4. Our life purpose involves relationships. It is more about people than about things.
  5. We were put on this planet to understand and help others, to foster more than a mere tolerance for diverse individuals and perspectives, rather to emphasize the values and practices of acceptance, respect, empathy, and collaboration.
  6. Our primary goal is to empower volunteerism, to make a difference in the lives of others less fortunate or experienced, and to give freely of our time, talents, passions, and resources.

PKF

 

Photo credits (in order) from Pixabay.com

 

Photo of Robin Williams portraying John Keating in the movie Dead Poets Society was by bardfilm.blogspot.com

 

© 2020 Paul K. Fox

T-Minus Three Years… and Counting!

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Countdown to a Smooth and Satisfying Retirement

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Are you retired, retiring this year or next, or thinking about “Crossing the Rubicon” to post-employment bliss over the next three or more years?

According to Ken Dychtwald, psychologist, gerontologist, and CEO of Age Wave, research on aging, health, and work issues defines five stages of retirement:

  • Stage 1: Imagination (5 to 15 years before retirement)
  • Stage 2: Anticipation (1 to 5 years before retirement)
  • Stage 3: Liberation (first year of retirement)OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
  • Stage 4: Re-engagement (1 to 15 years after retirement)
  • Stage 5: Reconciliation (ages late 70s and early 80s)

As reported by USA TODAY at https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2014/10/12/five-stages-of-retirement/16975707/, these first three stages provide opportunities to rethink, recharge, reinvent, and even retool new ways to redefine one’s life-purpose and meaning, become productive, and begin that new chapter in their lives. The studies emphasize the need for the famous Boy Scouts’ motto – “be prepared” – and you should start reflecting on “what you are going to be when you grow up” at least three years prior to “the big day!”

Many people want to continue to work. In fact, 72% of pre-retirees, age 50 and older, say they want to keep working after they retire, according to a recent survey sponsored by Merrill Lynch in partnership with Age Wave. Almost half (47%) of current retirees either are working, have worked, or plan to work in retirement, the survey found.

Many people also want to devote more time to their family and friends. Some want to continue to learn, and others want to enjoy their favorite hobbies and develop new ones…

— Ken Dychtwald

The bottom line is, as suggested in “Retire Happy – What You Can Do Now to Guarantee a Great Retirement” in the USA TODAY/Nolo Series by Ralph Warner and Richard Stim, prior to leaving the work force, you should make a concerted effort to anticipate “life after work,” including:

  • Cultivate interests outside work
  • Lead a healthier lifestyle
  • Revitalize family relationships
  • Spend more time with spouse
  • Embrace spirituality or meditation
  • Nurture friendships and make new friends.

 

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FIRST THINGS FIRST

So, are YOU ready to retire from full-time music teaching? Are you sure?

For me, I cry out HURRAY for the FREEDOM, and enthusiastically take on exploring raising puppies, home improvements, more personal music making, conducting, writing, photography, community service, and volunteer work. And, as you can imagine, my calendar is as full as it has ever been!

However, not all of our newly retired colleagues feel the same way… at least, not at first. It should be said that not everyone may be ready to retire. Often heard employment complaints aside, “be careful for what you wish!” In general, few are ambivalent about this transition… leaving the day-to-day highly pressured, detailed, “rat-race” most music teachers embrace to jumping into the wide-open horizons of new vision, focus, and directions. Recent retirees either love or hate this “passage.”

— Paul K. Fox

If you are not sure of your current mental and financial preparation for retirement, checkout “7 Signs It’s Time to Retire” at http://www.plannersearch.org/financial-planning/7-signs-its-time-to-retire, and equally as important, “Ten Signs It’s Not Okay to Retire” at http://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/021716/10-signs-you-are-not-ok-retire.asp.

Have you seen this quote by Dr. Robert P. Delamontagne from his book Retiring Mind (Fairview Imprints, 2010), which provides statistics that are actually a little alarming?

50% of retirees will suffer some form of acute emotional distress. This is potentially a very large problem given the fact that 10,000 people are becoming eligible for Social Security every day for the next 20 years in the US alone.

— Dr. Robert P. Delamontagne

I also recommend taking the quiz, “Are You Psychologically Ready for Retirement?” at http://www.nextavenue.org/quiz-are-you-psychologically-ready-for-retirement/ from the book, Happy Retirement: The Psychology of Reinvention by Kenneth S. Shultz (DK Publishing, 2015), asking these five essential questions:

  1. How important is your job when it comes to getting a sense of life satisfaction?
  2. How many non-work activities do you have that give you a sense of purpose?
  3. How do you imagine your life to be once you stop working?
  4. How do you think retirement will affect your relationship with family and friends?
  5. How much energy for work do you have these days?

 

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HAVE A PLAN

In the article “Are You Emotionally Ready to Retire?” published by the Wisconsin Medical Journal, Maureen E. Hansen illustrates the need for an “emotional retirement plan.” (Please visit https://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety.org/_WMS/publications/wmj/pdf/103/4/53.pdf).

The transition from a structured to an unstructured lifestyle can be unnerving if you are not prepared. When our clients retire, they often feel as if they are on vacation for the first month or so. After that, the realization that they are not returning to work starts to sink in. This is when anxiety can creep in. However, the process of adjusting can be far less stressful if you establish a plan well in advance.

— Maureen E. Hansen

She emphasizes that both financial and non-financial aspects of retirement need to be addressed. “Long before your going-away party at the office, you need to decide what you want for your retirement—leisure time, volunteer work, establishing a legacy?” Here are her several key issues to consider:

  1. Set lifestyle goals.
  2. Build a network.
  3. Consider your spouse’s feelings.
  4. Live your dream.

From Bankrate (http://www.bankrate.com/retirement/10-things-to-do-before-you-retire/), here is a checklist of considerations you should revisit as often as necessary before taking the retirement plunge:

  1. Prepare a balance sheet
  2. Get rid of debt
  3. Conduct a house check
  4. Assess life insurance needs
  5. Think about long-term care insurance
  6. Consider variable annuities
  7. Oversee estate planning
  8. Ditch college expenses
  9. Look at the big picture with a planner
  10. Prepare a budget

The Internet is deluged with a multitude of recommendations on retirement prep. Here are couple more to peruse at your leisure:

 

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DOWN TO MORE SPECIFICS

In the August 26, 2017 PMEA Retired Member Network eNEWS, I shared the link to the AARP blog-post “10 Steps to Get You Ready for Retirement” at http://www.aarp.org/work/social-security/info-05-2011/10-steps-to-retire-every-day.html, with the following “executive summary” (but be sure to read the entire article for the detail):

  • Step 1: Define Your Retirement
  • Step 2: Take Stock of Your “Assets”
  • Step 3: Evaluate Your Health – Now
  • Step 4: Determine When to Collect Social Security
  • Step 5: Network Through Social Media & Other Methods
  • Step 6: Decide How Much You Want (or Need) to Work
  • Step 7: Create a Retirement Budget
  • Step 8: Find New Ways to Cut Your Expenses (Start Saving More)
  • Step 9: Prepare for the Unexpected
  • Step 10: Stick to Your Plan

I also offered my (now) “top-seven tips” for getting ready to “living the dream” for future PA music educator retirees:

  1. Download the Ultimate Retiree Resource Guide and peruse the myriad of contributions by “true experts in the field of retirement” posted on the PMEA retired member website: https://www.pmea.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ultimate-retiree-resource-guide-111717.pdf.
  2. Scan through the plethora of other blog-posts at https://paulkfoxusc.wordpress.com/for-retirees/ and the official PMEA Retired Members’ website: https://www.pmea.net/retired-members/.
  3. Purchase a book or two by the “masters” of retirement transitioning (check out these authors and others from the sources above: David Borchard, Julie Cameron, Robert Delmontagne, Dave Hughes, Steven Price, Kenneth Shultz, Hyrum Smith, Verne Wilson, and Ernie Zelinski).
  4. Family Meeting: If you are married, sit down with your spouse (with no distractions) and map out the essential “who, what, when, where, and how” of retirement. Are you both ready to venture into your “golden years?” Are you and your wife/husband on the same page?
  5. dad-1-tommi-gronlundPSERS (PA pension fund) Planning: 12 months or more away from your projected retirement date, attend a “Foundations for Your Future” program (even attend it more than once), and request a retirement estimate (form PSRS-151), after which you will need to schedule the all-important “Exit Counseling Session.”
  6. Make an appointment with an estate planner, elder attorney, and/or financial advisor (probably all three). Bring a copy of your bank and investment statements, PSERS reports, social security, annuities, and insurance documents. You may need help in determining which PSERS “plan” to adopt. While you’re at it, update your will and other legal documents.
  7. To stay “connected” with your professional associations (e.g. Pennsylvania Music Educators Association and National Association for Music Education), be sure to update your personal profile at “headquarters” with your personal (not school) email address. Continue to participate in music and education, and reap the benefits of significantly discounted retired membership dues and conference registration fees. See the blog-post “PMEA in Retirement – What’s in it for Me?” at https://paulkfoxusc.wordpress.com/2016/12/15/pmea-in-retirement-whats-in-it-for-me/.

Finally, if you have not done so, I encourage you to revisit my last retirement blog-post   (https://paulkfoxusc.wordpress.com/2017/08/03/new-dreams-and-horizons/). Review those six essential things to do when you are a couple years “out” from making that “great leap to freedom,” solid advice from TIPS – Retirement for Music Educators book by Verne A. Wilson (MENC 1989), and to learn more about “nipping in the bud” those pesky retirement conundrums:

  1. Self-Identity and Change
  2. Free Time?
  3. Energy and Fortitude
  4. Losing Control and Perpetual Care

Yes, planning ahead makes all the difference. On this topic, our last inspiration also comes from TIPS – Retirement for Music Educators.

If you were planning to spend the rest of your life in another country, you would want to learn as much about it as possible. You would read books about the climate, people, history, and architecture. You would talk to people who had lived there. You might even learn a bit of its language. Old age is like another country. You’ll enjoy it more if you have prepared yourself before you go.

— B. F. Skinner and Margaret Vaughn

Best wishes for a happy retirement!

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PKF

© 2017 Paul K. Fox

 

Photo credits from FreeImages.com (in order): “Happy Days” by Crissy Pauley, “Senior with Red Wine” by Walter Groesel, “Hour-Glass” by Aleksandra P., “Old Couple” by Ricardo Santengini, and “Senior Portraits 2” by Loretta Humble, “Senior Portraits 1” by Loretta Humble, “Dad 1” by Tommi Gronlund, and “Senior Portraits 4” by Loretta Humble.

Reflections on the Glory Days

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Reconciliation: Somber Ruminations of a Retiree

And I hope when I get old I don’t sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days…
Glory days, well they’ll pass you by          —Bruce Springsteen

Okay, admittedly, this blog may be a little on the “dark side” – so before and after you read this, be sure to go out and take a long walk, hug your spouse or your grandchild or a dog, find something fun to do, indulge in some ice cream – anything to recharge, bolster your mood, and “come back to life!”

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Reconciling with and Redefining Retirement

According to Merriam Webster, the full definition of “reconcile” is the following:

“…to restore to friendship or harmony, settle, resolve, make consistent or congruous, cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant…”

Also referring to online dictionaries like Webster, the terms retiring and retirement mean “seclusion from the world, privacy, withdrawal, the act of going away, retreating, or disappearing.”

bucketlistNope. I cannot accept these archaic definitions! My translation for what it means to face this life-style shift of changing perspectives and expectations, “Crossing the Rubicon” into retirement, is finding alternative but purposeful pursuits, fulfilling “bucket lists,” and reshaping fresh new goals leading to creative ways to self-reinvent and thrive.

The Stages and Emotions of Retirement

In the July 25, 2016 PMEA Retired Member Network eNEWS, I reflected on a few of the ups-and-downs of post-employment transitioning and the emotional journey of re-adjustment, “reinventing” yourself, or as Ken Blanchard and Morton Shaevitz advise in their book (by the same name), “Refire! Don’t Retire!”

In which “stage of retirement” do you find yourself? Are you resting and taking an extended vacation, or currently mapping out your post-employment “plans,” or already diving into your “golden years” with a full schedule of activities, or seeking new goals and your “life’s purpose,” or retreating from everything just to “get your head together?”  —Paul Fox

In a USA TODAY article (2014), Ken Dychtwald (gerontologist, psychologist, educator and CEO of Age Wave, a research think-tank on aging issues) labels the logical progression of Ken Dychtwaldfive stages of retirement that he predicts most people go through after leaving their full-time job. (See http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2014/10/12/five-stages-of-retirement/16975707/).

  1. Imagination
  2. Anticipation
  3. Liberation
  4. Re-engagement
  5. Reconciliation

I think every retired person should read these, figure out on which step they are, diagnose their feelings, and “move on” toward the final stage of reconciliation.

“Thanks to the ever-increasing longevity, many of us will have decades to learn, teach, play, work and re-invent ourselves again and again after our core career has ended. Perhaps it’s time to retire retirement.”  —Ken Dychtwald

However, I hear from many retirees that, at some point, they experience a period of depression or sadness after they retire, even a profound sense of loss or grief. There are hosts of articles about this phenomenon:

It boils down to coping with a few of these emotional “bumps” along the way:

  • Loss of professional identity
  • Loss of goals, daily routine, and purposeful activity
  • Loss of social network and interaction with co-workers

In my article, “Surviving Retirement: Avoiding Turmoil, Traumas, Tantrums, and Other Transitional Problems” in the Winter 2015 issue of PMEA News, I mentioned how quickly we retired teachers seemingly become forgotten and obscure.

Someone wise once told me not to be alarmed when even your own music students forget you after two or three years. Not having you in class, nor hearing your name on the public address, nor seeing you in the halls, nor watching you direct an assembly, ensemble or musical, it is perfectly natural that your identity will likely fade away as the “graduates” leave and the new enrollees enter the building.

However, since I was still working with the marching band (and had been involved in so many other extra-curricular activities), I figured I might have a year or two before disappearing into obscurity. Surprise! One month from stepping down, I was walking my dogs at the high school and came upon a junior girl and her mother in a “driving training session.” I shouted out “hello” (my Yorkie-poo didn’t even bark), and the girl immediately rolled up her windows and moved away… “Stranger danger?” A few minutes later, when the opportunity presented itself (mom and driver switched seats), I introduced myself and received a blank look when I reassured them, “I just retired from this school. Surely you remember Mr. Fox?” Nope. Don’t expect it. Anyway, there are advantages to losing the spotlight and becoming totally anonymous.  —Paul Fox

This is normal. “Type-A” personalities and “peak performers” must make a concerted effort to limit linking the majority of their self-worth and identity to their employment! Echoed by author Sydney Lagier in “Seven Secrets to a Happy Retirement” at US News and World Report (http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/on-retirement/2010/07/20/7-secrets-to-a-happy-retirement), we should not be addicted to achievement. “The more you are defined by your job, the harder it will be to adjust to life without.”

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This is my favorite reflection implying our failure to let go of “our glory days,” used with permission from the very gifted poet Nancy Ellen Crossland (see her other writings at http://www.voicesnet.com/allpoemsoneauthor.aspx?memberid=1022350010):

Reflections on an Autumn Day

Where once they hung in glorious array
Golden tinged, copper swirled
Russet swatches
Now trodden and dampened;
What a sad display!

Where once waving and twirling
In crisp autumn days
Clinging to the ground
Plastered on soles of shoes
Forever appear to be bound,

Ah, but a few stalwart leaves hang
Grasping on for life
Another gust, a downpour or two
They also shall join those
trampled leaves askew,

So bid farewell, oh hearty ones
Another season shall again pass
You shall have your days in the sun,

Your brilliance shall never slip away
For always shall be remembered
Your autumn glory days. 

—Nancy Ellen Crossland    11/04/2010

 

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In addition, I noticed feeling these “retirement blues” when I attended the viewing of the late PA music educator Andrew Ruzzini. To be honest, at every funeral, the concept of facing our own mortality becomes more and more difficult. But, even worse, very few people attended Andy’s service, most of his students were unaware of his passing, and my heart ached witnessing the dismal response to the death of one of the most influential band directors in the early years of my former school district! We will all be forgotten?

The Legacy of Heroes and Mentors

The movie Mr. Holland’s Opus lays out a beautiful theme for music teacher retirees: that last scene and the speech of his former student, a clarinet player who struggled to get a good sound, now the governor of the state, was so moving.

Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn’t rich and he isn’t famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he’s achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony, Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life.  —Adult Gertrude Lang, character in the movie Mr. Holland’s Opus
My own idol (ensemble director and violin/viola instructor), the “father of strings in the East Hills of Western Pennsylvania,” Eugene Reichenfeld lived to a ripe old age of 103 years. In spite of a few health issues, he was still teaching privately up to two weeks before he passed on. He was a tireless, very physical, extremely active, fullprospective-music-student-1440071y engaged man. One example, he transformed his backyard by moving a truckload of large rocks around his garden when he was 80 years old. I attended his 100th birthday party where he played an hour-plus recital with three generations of the Reichenfelds. He always told prospective teachers, “Surround yourself with young people and you’ll never grow old.” The comment I wrote in memory of Eugene Reichenfeld in the online guest book (legacy.com) came from the heart: “With our mentor’s passing, orchestra music and education in our area will never be the same. However, thankfully, Maestro Reichenfeld’s legacy is that he ‘passed on the baton’ and inspired so many future teachers to follow in his footsteps… sharing his love of and skill in strings for eternity! The music lives on!”

Three More Reflections for the Road…

I am grateful for finding the final column of Maryellen Weimer, Penn State Professor and Editor of the The Teaching Professor, sharing her thoughts on the things she will and won’t miss after 33 years of teaching: http://www.facultyfocus.com/articles/teaching-careers/retirement-reflections-things-i-will-and-wont-miss/.

If you have the time (and the intellect – he is very deep), you should also read the “retirement notes” of Gary T. Marx: Hither and Thither No More: Reflections on a Retired, But Not Shy, Professor at http://web.mit.edu/gtmarx/www/hitherthither.html#note2.

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And, thank you, Corita Kent, for summing up the prescription to a happy, healthy, rewarding, and meaningful life… before, during, and after employment!

If you look too far ahead, living only for dreams, or too far back, living only to repeat the past, you will miss the fullness of the present. This is a lesson for both your professional life and your personal life. It is important to have balance in one’s life, so find the time to do the things that you enjoy — athletic or physical activities, the beautiful outdoors, visiting with friends, reading books, volunteering in your community. May you find the satisfaction of living a well-balanced and healthy life. —Corita Kent
PKF
© 2016 Paul K. Fox

More on Retirement…

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