Estate Planning: Final Instructions

The Elephant in the Room: How to Prepare Your Family for “The End”

Expanded from the October 3, 2019 article in PMEA Retired Member Network eNEWS.

 

Few people want to talk about it… what co-authors Shoshana Berger and BJ Miller discuss in their book, A Beginner’s Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death:

It may sound morbid, but creating a findable file, binder, cloud-based drive, or even shoe-box where you store estate documents and meaningful personal effects will save your loved ones incalculable time, money, and suffering. “Why You Need to Make a ‘When I Die’ File – Before It Is Too Late” (Berger and Miller)

Do you have a Will? A Power of Attorney? A Living Will or Medical Power of Attorney?

According to their TIME blogpost at https://time.com/5640494/why-you-need-to-make-a-when-i-die-file-before-its-too-late/?utm_source=pocket-newtab, here are a few things you will want to put into your “When I Die” file/folder:

  • An advance directive that is signed and notarized
  • A will* and living trust
  • Marriage or divorce certificates
  • Passwords for phone, computer, email, and social media accounts
  • Instructions for your funeral and final disposition
  • An ethical will*
  • Letters to loved ones

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* Where a legal will transfers assets, an ethical will transfers immaterial things: your life lessons and values. For a discussion on the latter, seek out the book Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper by Dr. Barry Baines.

Berger and Miller also recommended to purchase and set-up an online password manager to safeguard your data and share the master password with someone you trust. (For more info on password management software, read my “tech rant” blog here.)

With greater detail, we also learn from https://www.wealthmanagement.com/news/final-letter-instructions-family-important the importance of leaving a “final letter of instructions” to your loved ones. The website reports what Neuberger Berman Trust Company advises should be archived in a document to be read after your death.

  • The location of all estate planning documents, such as wills and trust agreements
  • A list of relevant advisors with contact information
  • List of other people to contact on your death
  • Location of any safe deposit boxes, inventory list, location of keys, who is authorized to open
  • List of life insurance policies, location and beneficiaries
  • List of bank accounts and how they are titled
  • Investment and trust account information
  • A description of other assets
  • Any debts or other liabilities
  • Listing of all credit card accounts
  • Inventory of other important documents like deeds and titles, and where they are held
  • Location of keys to all residences
  • Description of any pension benefits and who to contact
  • Instructions concerning funeral or memorial services

They add that this document should be held by your attorney, spouse, and adult children.

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What would you say to those nearest and dearest to you if you couldn’t (or didn’t) tell them in person? Consider writing individual letters to your partner, children, or other family members “as a way of leaving a few last words.” Check out Frish Brandt’s inspiring website, “Last[ing] Letters.”

A Lasting Letter is a letter written to someone you care about, someone who you wish to hear your voice and read your words long into the future. Sometimes referred to as a ‘legacy letter,’ this letter holds the words that carry one’s voice forward in time.

The letter can take many forms: long or short, a memento of a moment or a history of a lifetime, a connection made or missed, an instruction or a confession, a love letter, and everything in between. 

Each letter is ​unique: each voice, each intention is ​individual.

Everyone has a letter in them​.https://www.mylastingletters.com/ (Brandt)

Finally, in their July 25, 2019 YouTube video recorded at the Commonwealth Club (https://www.commonwealthclub.org/events/archive/video/beginners-guide-end-life), Berger quoted the framework by Ira Byock “The Four Things That Matter Most… to say to someone before you die” (yet another book): https://irabyock.org/books/the-four-things-that-matter-most/:

  • “Please forgive me.”
  • “I forgive you.”
  • “Thank you.”
  • “I love you.”

And one more that was added later: “I am proud of you.”

PKF

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Photo credits in order from Pixabay.com:

 

Unique Retiree Resources

It is always a privilege to receive email or comments from many of you regarding my past blog-posts at this site. I truly appreciate hearing from you – agree or disagree – and, whenever possible, I will “pass along” your recommendations and perspectives.

hospice-1793998_1920_unclelktThe “mission” is to help you with the transition to retirement and, when they are relevant, to communicate links to helpful sources of information. Many of these are not applicable to every retiring music teacher. However, if not issues for a family member, you might know of a friend, neighbor, colleague, or someone else who could use some direction in these eclectic topics:

  • Housing purchases/rentals, maintenance, and improvements
  • Personal security
  • Downsizing
  • Health care, eldercare, and physical fitness
  • Disabilities
  • Advance care planning
  • Medical Alert systems
  • Mattress purchase recommendations
  • Sleep guides and disorders
  • Grieving and coping with loss

We started this exposé with a previous blog, “Seniors Helping Seniors” at https://paulkfoxusc.wordpress.com/2017/05/28/seniors-helping-seniors/.

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Elmer George invited all of us to peruse his new website: elderville.org. It is called Resources for All Elders, and it shares lists of websites, blogs, and fact sheets on numerous senior-related themes – everything from “daily safety tips” to “volunteering.”

elderville.comSeveral great examples, his set of February 2018 articles (https://elderville.org/blog/) discuss “Five Ways Seniors Can Avoid Stress and Hassle During This Tax Season” and “Three Ways Seniors Can Get Healthy at Church.”

Specific to housing concerns, Elmer emailed me these additional avenues of help:

 

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Elizabeth Reynolds reached out to me with research on criteria for choosing the best medical alert system: https://www.reviews.com/medical-alert-systems/.  She said, “After hearing that there are 800,000 fall-related hospitalizations each year, our team created this resource in an effort to change that number.” Elizabeth added, “Our hope is that our guide may assist readers navigating their options to minimize this risk in the event of a fall.” At first, I thought her posting was a well-concealed advertisement for a particular company, until I explored her entire www.reviews.com website. Knowledge is power. Elizabeth has assembled a wide variety of resources in these areas worth further reading:

  • Reviews.comHome Services
  • Insurance
  • Financial Services
  • Home Products
  • Health and Fitness
  • Beauty
  • Pets

 

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Speaking of reviews, something on which you would not probably seek advice is what mattress to purchase or finding other aids for improving your sleep. Well, if you know anyone who has had trouble getting to sleep or is seeking methods of being well-rested, let me be the first to recommend https://www.bestmattressreviews.com/, shared by Jenny Thompson. She claims her “team” has been researching the science behind sleep and reviewing sleep products to see if they really have the effects that the companies claim to have. I admit, her extensive online resource first sounded a lot like a very large commercial, but I have never known such detail and vast criteria could be involved in assessing the merits of different mattresses and sleep accessories:

  • Types: foam, innerspring, latex, and hybrid
  • Sleep position: side sleepers, back sleepers, stomach sleepers, couples
  • Other benchmarks: firm, soft, cooling, crib, organic, pain management, and user type (mattresses for pet owners, runners, people with disabilities, etc.)

It is definitely worth your time to examine the article section on specific sleeping guides:

  • bestmattressreviewsSleep disorders
  • New and expecting mothers
  • Advice for children, teenagers, and college students
  • Mental health and sleep
  • Sleep and anxiety
  • P.T.S.D. and other problems

We may all know someone who has suffered the effects of Alzheimer’s. This one recently hit home to me as I just discovered one of my long-time music teacher friends was enrolled in a memory unit.

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According to this website, “Alzheimer’s disease affects as many as 5 million Americans. Scientists still don’t know how to prevent, slow, or cure the disease. Meanwhile, the death rate has increased 55% over the past decade and a half, and with the silver tsunami on the horizon, the number of patients is expected to explode. Sleep problems and Alzheimer’s are interconnected. People living with Alzheimer’s experience difficulty sleeping, while people who have sleep issues earlier in life are at greater risk for developing the disease.” We should all be aware of this link for more information: https://www.bestmattressreviews.com/alzheimers-and-sleep/.

 

spiritfinderFinally, out of the blue, Jennifer Scott contacted me with “healthy ways to cope with a loss” with these resources to help grieving families:

Reaching out to those who may be suffering with anxiety and depression, her helpful hints will go far to alleviate stress. I found parts of her website, http://spiritfinder.org/, are also very illuminating. Thank you, Jennifer!

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Bookmark the URL of this blog-post for future use. You never know when you might need some guidance on these miscellaneous subjects. Revisit past writings at https://paulkfoxusc.wordpress.com/for-retirees/.  Also, please stay “connected,” communicate your “views and news” in blog comments (click at the top of the page), submit your responses to the NAfME discussion platform Amplify (we have a special “retired member” community forum, or just send an email to paulkfox.usc@gmail.com.  As Tom Bodett said in commercials for a well-known motel chain: “We’ll leave the light on for you.”  

PKF

© 2018 Paul K. Fox

Photo credits (in order) from Pixabay.com: “countryside” by sasint, “hospice” by unclelkt, “grandparents” by sylviebliss, “granny” by brenkee, “bed” by pexels, “dementia” by geralt, and “beach” by qimono.